So I had to take some time out to process things.
IVF is a crazy roller coaster, it’s crazy how quickly and how slowly time can go. The build up, scans, injections – it all passes by in a blur then you get to ec and all of a sudden you’re not doing anything active anymore. Instead, you wait. Wait with bated breath and aching ovaries, waiting for the news of your eggs – were they mature, did they fertilise, if so how many? Even when you know this you spend every moment wondering about those embryos, the potential future life – are they dividing right, growing, developing, thriving…there’s nothing you can do and you feel, helpless.
Then they are returned to you and you carry your precious potential inside you and panic that whatever you do it isn’t as “right” as it could be. Every twinge, pain and discharge is analysed to the extreme. Your partner speaks to your tummy and together you whisper your hopes and dreams for the future, and the family you hope you are creating. Even though you promised you wouldn’t get ahead of yourselves you think about delivery dates, pregnancy milestones and how you will announce your pregnancy at 12 weeks.
You wait patiently for OTD, or not quite in our case. We tested 2 days early, not with FMU, as there had been some spotting. The test could not have been more negative. We tested again the following morning but by then AF was pretty much full flow and our baby dream was over.
Every person undergoing fertility treatment is already an awesome parent-in-waiting, if you are willing to go to these lengths to have a family then that amount of effort transferred into parenting skills has got to form an amazing parent. That’s what I like to think anyway 🙂
Maybe Mummy x