CD23 – We almost caved…

…I say ‘we’ – it was me, 100%! 😳

After driving myself crazy with ‘what if’ and ‘maybe’ -ing I told my girlfriend that I wanted to test early for the sake of my own sanity. Just the one test, if it was a bfn it would be too early and we would be waiting as planned, if it was a bfp then obviously I’d have serial tested every day to see if it got darker etc! (She didn’t know this although I’m sure she had a good idea!)

To give her credit she said her short piece and was happy to let me get on with it. I thought about it for a big longer and then the PUPO bubble, you know the one that I had been so scornful of previously, hit me and I realised that while I have a plan for if it’s a bfn I’m just not ready to see it on a stick yet! Early testing seems like a Pandora’s box of different possibilities, outcomes and worries so I’m just going to stick to testing on Saturday which will be the day before OTD and bloods.

I figure that at 13 days post EC and being 10dp3dt there’s a good chance that my super sensitive early tests will pick up a positive, if we’re that lucky!

We’re 8dp3dt today. If it’s a positive the embryo should be nicely burrowed in now and busy growing. DP spends a few minutes everyday laid with her head in my lap and talking to our embryo. It’s the sweetest thing and melts my heart every time. She’s going to be the most awesome Mammy 💗

After knowing the other embies stopped developing at day 3 I’m so worried that the same happened to our transferred one. It’s heartbreaking to think that whilst we’re talking to our embaby, sharing secret looks, discussing baby names, future plans and dreaming of family life, that this embryo may already be doomed.

Symptom-wise things have definitely calmed down, no more significant pulling/stabbing pains in my lower abdomen. I haven’t had anymore blood either. My tummy still feels swollen and the wind, oh my goodness the wind!, I spend my whole day being ditzy from the progesterone and trying to hold back wind until I get to a toilet! 😂

My boobs don’t feel as swollen but they do feel full, a little sore/tender and I still have itchy nipples. More on the right than the left one weirdly!

I just want to big up the fertility friends forum, and especially my cycle buddies thread (July/August 2016) some of whom I know are reading this blog. The support and encouragement from ladies in the same position is so invaluable. Especially as TTC is just not discussed ‘in real life’ especially with workmates. It’s lovely to have the support from people virtually!

Right back to my PUPO bubble I go, it’s lovely and cosy there 😄

Maybe Mummy x


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